My sister Larissa and her now husband Michael got engaged on August 22, 2021. The first person I shared it with was Danielle. At that point, we had been dating for just one month! A family wedding adds a lot of pressure to figure out how committed you are to who you’re dating. Would I invite her? If I didn’t it would be a punch to the gut. If I did that would be up there with proposing. I didn’t love the implications tied to the wedding invite that would follow soon after their engagement. The question came sooner than I expected.
Alex, we are working on the invites. Should we add Danielle to your invite?
I still wasn’t ready! I asked if I could decide later and was relieved to hear I could have a few weeks. As you can see from the invite, I finally decided. However, I wasn’t 100% committed to the idea. I never told Danielle the invites were sent out, and I didn’t show her the invite when I first got it. You can see the date on the invite, It came around November 13th and the wedding was February 12th. A lot can happen in three months! I don’t remember precisely when I invited Danielle to see her invite. The decision to include her as my plus-one marked a shift in how I viewed our relationship. I was seriously into this woman!
Larissa and Michael asked me to read 1 Corinthians 13 during their wedding ceremony. Not being a top-notch reader, I practiced the passage many times! I didn’t want to distract from the main event. Those days of reading and rereading the passage caused its message to stick with me. What it had to say about love caused me to reflect on my love for Danielle and how I felt loved by her. I knew we had the real thing.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
― 1 Corinthians 13 (ESV)
Their big day finally came, and I was nervous. I was surprised by how much better it felt having Danielle with me. Part of me was worried I’d feel pressure to dive headlong into commitment out of an unspoken obligation or feel pressure from Danielle to prioritize her over my sister. Instead, I felt a peace I wasn’t expecting. I put myself in my sister’s shoes during the ceremony as she married Michael. When I thought about marrying Danielle, I felt excited! After almost six months of dating her, it felt right.
The reception was a blast because I had Danielle. I love my family, don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed being there with her so much that I asked to dance and survived through my fear of dancing, a.k.a. chorophobia! The wedding came to a close. Danielle and I headed back to my parents’ place, where her car was parked. Talking with her about the wedding was wonderful. After an event like that, I would typically be drained. Despite this, I felt so relieved and recharged just by being with her driving back. I gave her my boutonnière (the flower pinned to my suit). It had started falling off. This was trivial to me, but she has kept it in her car ever since. She is so cute!
I stayed with my parents that night, and Danielle drove back to Grand Rapids. The next day we had breakfast for the family visiting from out of town. Danielle coming back that morning for breakfast was so much fun! There is something powerful about weddings! I am happy we were able to share that experience. It helped solidify her place in the family.
